Day 7 Funeral
Yesterday I stopped in at a funeral on the way home from a work meeting. It was the first time I've participated in one in Cambodia. A young person I know recently lost her mother and although I was told about the initial three-day funeral, I didn't have time to attend. Instead I went to the day 7 funeral. (There will be another to mark 100 days and one more after 1 year.)
My friend and I came straight from work and didn't have the "right clothing" (white shirt and a long skirt). I didn't have the right amount of money and gave too much. I'm not sure that I showed the right kind of behaviour at every point either. Sitting at a table eating rice porridge and drinking soda, I was introduced to some more friends of the family. Over the noise of the funeral music, we somehow fell into easy conversation and I did wonder whether it would be seen as appropriate to be chatting and laughing at such an occasion.
Even though it was a slightly unusual stopping-point on my journey home, I'm glad I went. I think that gathering for three days and they at set periods of time up to a year is a healthy way for people to walk through the grief process with community support. It gives time and space to honour and remember the person who has passed away. But maybe we are too focused on work to incorporate such rituals in the West?
My friend and I came straight from work and didn't have the "right clothing" (white shirt and a long skirt). I didn't have the right amount of money and gave too much. I'm not sure that I showed the right kind of behaviour at every point either. Sitting at a table eating rice porridge and drinking soda, I was introduced to some more friends of the family. Over the noise of the funeral music, we somehow fell into easy conversation and I did wonder whether it would be seen as appropriate to be chatting and laughing at such an occasion.
Even though it was a slightly unusual stopping-point on my journey home, I'm glad I went. I think that gathering for three days and they at set periods of time up to a year is a healthy way for people to walk through the grief process with community support. It gives time and space to honour and remember the person who has passed away. But maybe we are too focused on work to incorporate such rituals in the West?
posted by pip @ 12:59 pm
2 Comments:
At 9:56 am ,
Brian Maher said...
I think you are right. Work/ministry takes up a lot of our time because we need to validate ourselves when in reality being with people at funerals, etc, is ministry. I has a few Cambodian pastors at my house playing ping-pong the other day. We had a blast. The next morning I preached at a church which I count as work, but which one was more 'ministry'? I only one won game because they let me.
b
At 5:11 pm ,
pip said...
True- the lines between work and play are very blurred.
Last Monday I spent about the same number of hours "working" as well as shopping and cooking to make hamburgers for 13 people. I'm not planning to make burgers every week but it was cool to see some friends try this foreign food for the first time.
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