Quote for the day

I was sitting in the reception room at the Australian Embassy with about six other people. An Australian woman in her mid 20's broke the silence when she turned to her Khmer friend/ boyfriend/ partner and asked: "So ave ya had ya HIV test yet?" He didn't answer.

Some things do follow....

Yesterday I read these words by Charles Ringma:

We live in a refractory and difficult world. Our experience confirms this. Things do not always work out, despite our careful planning.

Aint that the truth? I'm feeling the randomness of life in this city. Traffic all over the place; classes suspended because of any number of public holidays; advertised events that are cancelled without apology or explanation; meeting times that are elastic even for an Australian. The obvious way to respond to all this is to plan less. If I don't make plans then I can't get disappointed. If I preface everything with a maybe I might feel more comfortable in the chaos. Maybe. Rigma continues-

This does not mean, however, that everything is random. Some things do follow. When we freely forgive a person who has hurt us, we can be sure that we will banish bitterness from our hearts. When we serve others, not out of guilt or compulsion, but out of love, we ourselves will be blessed. When we give, not because we expect to receive, but freely and with a generous heart, we will receive. When we become men and women of prayer, we will grow in spiritual wisdom. When we live in obedience to God's will, our lives will be fruitful.

At times I forget that these principles of sowing and reaping still hold true- even in the seeming randomness. While I can't pluck the fruit from seeds I planted yesterday, I can expect fruit in season. This week I am challenged to sow into the areas of language study, prayer, serving the family I'm living with, building other relationships and figuring out the unfamiliar chord patterns used in Khmai worship songs.

Do Not Fear

This is a prayer I've been reading & praying for a couple of weeks now. I forgot to note down who put it together- but it is mostly direct quotes from the bible.

A Psalm Prayer
DO NOT FEAR

Are you a God at hand

and not a God far off? Jer 23:23

Truly, you are a hidden God. Is 45:15

Or do you hide your face from us, Duet 32:20

to see what our end will be?

And yet

you do not willingly affict

or grieve us. Lam 3:33

You are ready to be sought

by those who do not ask for you;

you are ready to be found

by those who do not seek you. Is 65:1

Do I look for you in chaos? Is 45:19c

I hear you saying, Lord:

'I, the Lord, speek salvation

and declare what is right.' Is 41:19d

But the poor and needy seek water

and there is none

and their tongues are parched with thirst. Is 41:17

How can my soul wait in silence

for you, God, who are my salvation? Ps 62:1

May you find people, Lord, who work for justice. Is 64:5

Then we shall be able to say to everyone:

You are our God.

You set people free.

You have heard my cry.

You have heard me and said:

'Do not fear!' Lam 3:37

'Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth- do you not see it?' Is 43:19

Lord, I believe;

help my unbelief! Mark 9:24b

I am a poor fool, Lord-

Teach me to pray. (Guido Gezelle)

Vegetarians please skip this one...

My friend Katey sent me an email from Hong Kong this week to tell me she was cooking up some homemade pizzas. (I'm sure there was some other info in the email too but right now I'm stuck on the pizza bit...) Katey asked if I've tried any interesting food combinations lately. I have. I can't take credit for coming up with this one myself but how is this for a combo!?!

Rice + Pickled Vegetables + Duck Embryos = Dinner Last Night

I have to confess that I was still feeling a bit seedy with some kind of stomach bug so I just had a taste of the duck delicacy. The verdict? To be honest I have to say it was quite delicious.

Of poetry and promise

MONDAY NIGHT 10:20pm. I'm thinking about the things that need to be done for Tuesday. I write a list of points to cover in my language session. I start to think about what needs to be done in my own study time. Then emails, finances, errands.... the mental list grows and I'm about to scribble it all down when I'm struck by a different set of objectives.

TO DO: 1. Know God and be known by God. 2. Walk in the presence of the Spirit. 3. Fall more in love with Jesus.

I read the evening Psalms for the 16th of the month and stop on this one sentence, "Yes, the LORD pours down his blessings." (Ps 85:12a)

The words that I read from Spurgeon this morning resound with this phrase like the final chord of a symphony-

Our Lord Jesus is ever giving, and does not for a solitary instant withdraw his hand. As long as there is a vessel of grace not yet full to the brim, the oil shall not be stayed. He is a sun ever-shining; He is manna always falling round the camp; He is a rock in the desert, ever sending out streams of life from his smitten side; the rain of His grace is always dropping; the river of His bounty is ever-flowing, and the well-spring of his love is continually overflowing. As the King can never die, so His grace can never fail...The wings of our hours are covered with the silver of His kindness, and with the yellow gold of His affection. The river of time bears from the mountains of eternity the gold sands of His favour.

I went to sleep Monday night with my head resting on promises; on poetry; on expectancy.

TUESDAY MORNING. 5am. Got up, dressed and left the house. The air was cool and the light came from charcoal fires in the streets and alleys lit by faithful housewives in preparation to feed sleeping husbands, children, grandchildren, guests... I fall into a very relaxed jogging pace. I'm not running from anything or two anywhere but just running with the dawn and all the newness of God that touches me in it.

TUESDAY NIGHT. 10:10pm. I'm trying to figure what kind of a day it has been. The reality is that since about six thirty this morning I've felt rather seedy all day. I've fought the desire to sleep while studying with my tutor and while in class at university. I've given in at other times and spent most of my free hours in bed. I've eaten a couple of mouthfuls of rice. I've been awake for a good forty minutes now writing this journal and helping my Khmer bro with his English homework. I'm totally nackered! Ready for sleep again.

Shall I sleep again tonight on a pillow of promises? You bet. Will I be disappointed if tomorrow brings another day like today? No. This is reality. I can't predict it so I''ll just take tomorrow's gift and strive to see the silver of His kindness in whatever ways it comes.

Froggy

Yesterday I learned the Khmer phrase, "like the frog in the well". It means to be without information or to be kept "in the dark". Our teacher at university explained it this way, "In Pol Pol times we were kept like the frog in the well."

I contemplated this idiom while cycling home (for the entire five minute journey!) and decided that since I have a choice I don't want to be the frog in the well. I want my eyes to be opened to the needs of people here in Cambodia. I want to keep hearing what is happening in other nations. I want to have faith enough to respond in prayer. I want the discipline to live out the questions that these stories provoke.

I'm thankful that there are a number of ways that I can be kept "out of the well". Firstly, I'm rather pleased that it is cheaper to subscribe to The Economist magazine from here than it is from Australia. (I've signed a two year subscription- woo hoo!). Also, a big thanks to friends in Hong Kong who sent me their Crossection mag and whose lives help me to Remember the poor. Thanks to friends here who have DVDs and DVD players so I can watch movies like Hotel Rwanda that aren't so great with popcorn but that I need to see. Lastly... I'm so glad to have friends in Australia who continue to live "in the light" and help me to do likewise... (Read your emails today Carlyn, Rosie & Mum. You guys are tops!)

Frogs are cute but I don't want to be the frog in the well.

Where White Is Beautiful

It is difficult to explain the concept of wanting a "healthy tan" or going to a tanning salon for an instant improvement in a country where white is beautiful. In my wanderings around Phnom Penh's supermarkets I haven't seen one DIY spray-on fake tan but I have seen shelves of moisturising creams and other products that promise fairer skin. (Actually I asked my sister if I could use some of her skin whitening face cream one night. A single application and I've been white ever since. Amazing!)

My favourite product has to be the "skin whitening deodorant". I can't say that I've ever given a moments thought to the pigmentation of my own underarms- or anyone else's. Whitening deodorant? "What the?!"

The Fight

I'd rather walk with God than fight God
But I'd rather fight than walk away.

I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, who will never leave you... I will not leave you as orphans- I will come to you...Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them. And I will reveal myself to each one of them. From John 14:15-21

Despite the beauty of these words I have to admit that I have been wrestling with this text for a week now and I'm not sure that I've made much progress. However, I want to acknowledge the fight. Sometimes I fight with the bible. Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting with God.

Graeme Goldworthy comments that, "Whereas modern thinkers asked what the meaning of a text was, postmodern thinkers question whether a text has any meaning at all." I'm not sure where this places me but I want a text to mean something to me. I want some kind of revelation. My studies tell me that I should first consider what these words would have meant to the original hearers. What would Jesus' comments have meant to the disciples who had no idea of the radical changes the coming days and weeks would hold? At what points would they perhaps have remembered Jesus' words? When would it have meant something to them? My experience also tell me what this text has meant to other people (preachers, teachers, authors etc). But it is not enough for me to be content with whispers from men and women long dead nor with insights from a great blog on the subject.

So, this week I keep coming back to these words of Jesus. I'm still fighting with them.

Jesus says, "I will come to you. I will love you. I will reveal myself to you."

I say, "Then come. Jesus come. Come and show me your love. Show me the Father's love. For right now I am missing the people and the ways in which I have experienced your presence before. I'm thankful for the blogs, emails, phones etc that you give. But sometimes I crave the real, physical presence of people I love. So, Jesus, if you are saying that I can always experience you but that it might be in different ways (indeed- in increasing fullness and intimacy by your Spirit) then show me. Let these beautiful words resonate in my life because right now I don't feel it at all."

Perhaps this fighting- to believe the things I know are true and see God in my life- has been the reason that many other things have felt difficult this week too. Language study has been a huge effort. Sometimes it is a fight to sleep on hot nights. Several times this week I have fought the dawn and literally run circles- emerging with a red face and very sweaty limbs (not pretty!). I fight to find phrases to express how I feel and I fight the desire to write about something else altogether (such as the fact that it is mango season and I counted over 100 of them in our house yesterday...)

If anything, I am increasingly confident that God is big enough to handle my fighting. However, today I would rather just stop and wait. Perhaps tomorrow I will walk again. As I wait I will rest with these words from Psalm 4:6

Many people say, "Who will show us better times?" Let the smile of your face shine on us, Lord.